In June 2018, my son turned 16. I wanted to give him an everlasting gift, so I wrote the following letter for him that encapsulates our teachings for him. I also shared this letter to a handful of my close family members and friends whose children may also benefit from the messages herein. Many of whom asked permission to share with others as well. So today, I decided to make it public for the benefit of anyone who is interested. I hope you’ll find it useful.
Mashhood
Dearest son, Wasi!
It seems like yesterday that on the blessed day of Friday, right around the time of Jumma prayers sixteen years back Allah blessed us with you. Our life has been filled with nothing but joy and bliss ever since. We are ever so grateful to Allah for bestowing us with you as our son.
Sixteenth birthday marks the quintessential beginning of life as an adult. As you grow in intellect, wisdom, character, piety, and dignity, it is important to remind yourself of some key principles to live your life by. I hope that you will find the following advice useful enough to read it intently, ponder over it and act upon it throughout your life.
My beloved son, remember that Allah has made us “Ashraf-ul-makhlooqat” (The most superior of all creatures). The whole universe has been made so that we could live on this earth for a limited time before continuing our eternal journey in the hereafter. The time we spend on this earth is but a blip on the eternal scale. Regardless of whether we spend a few decades or a century on this earth, we have to return to our Lord. Imagine holding a rope that goes around the sun and back; your lifespan on this earth is even smaller than the couple of inches of this rope you hold in your hands. Would you sacrifice the eternal life for the benefit of this minuscular one?
With our superior cognitive and moral qualities, we will not just be held responsible for each and every blessing we have been bestowed upon, but all the deeds we perform or neglect to perform in this world. Which highlights the importance of knowing the difference between right and wrong deeds. To distinguish right from wrong, you have to build your ability to constantly look inwards and do self-accountability in light of the teachings of our great religion. If you do that, you’ll continue heading towards the straight path (or true north), the path of those who pleased Allah and not of those who earned Allah’s wrath or went astray.
The world today is filled with unlimited opportunities for heedless and frivolous pursuits. From sports, entertainment, media, games and social media, you’ll be pulled towards wasteful activities deceptively luring you towards shallow and short-lived happiness. Always remind yourself that every moment wasted in these activities could have been spent in a more purposeful endeavor. Life without a purpose is the most tragic of wastes.
Remember the following saying of our beloved Prophet (PBUH):
Take benefit of five before five:
your youth before your old age,
your health before your sickness,
your wealth before your poverty,
your free-time before your preoccupation,
and your life before your death.
Throughout your life, you’ll be making choices in all aspects of your life. In order for you to make the best of choices, pay close attention to the five dimensions of your Self. These dimensions, in the increasing levels of awareness, are: Physical, Economic, Emotional, Social and Spiritual.
Your physical self pertains to the needs of your physiology. It spans your nutritional needs, shelter, safety, physical strength, sexual desires, and appearance. Your lifestyle including the food you consume determines how your physical being manifests. Eat to live; not live to eat. Adhering to the prohibitions set by our religion in these aspects will not only make you healthy physically but will also help you in the other four dimensions of your self. Be mindful of the boundaries set by Allah around the relationship with the opposite sex. You’ll find that there are always two choices that you may make. The one which seems easier on the onset and may give you instant gratification is generally the Haram way. The one which is righteous may seem hard but has far-reaching long-term benefits. This is generally the Halal way. Always chose the Halal way.
Your economic self pertains to your source of livelihood, how you make a living and how you chose to spend your earning. Ensure that you earn a pure living which is defined as Halal (allowed and pure) and staying away from Haram (forbidden). A penny earned through Halal hard work is much superior than a million bucks earned through Haram means. Purity of your earning will bring baraka (blessing) in your life. A wise man once said that if you want to be the richest man on earth, limit your desires. The world is full of temptations of better and newer stuff to spend your hard-earned money on. Make sure that you don’t succumb to your desires in your expenditure and show moderation. The best way is in the middle of stinginess and extravagance. Avoid debt as much as possible. Debt is one of the worst forms of bondage.
The third dimension is of your emotional or psychological self, which pertains to knowing and conducting yourself in different situations – easy or tough. Spend time in knowing yourself. Only with self-awareness will you be able to control your emotions. You will experience various emotions in your life. These emotions will span happiness, anxiety, anger, resentment, disappointment, failure, depression, elation, love, hate, sadness, and ecstasy, to name a few. You may not have control over how you feel in a particular situation, but you do have control over how you choose to respond to that emotional state. Having control over your emotions may not be easy at times but is very important throughout your life. Always remember that you can never attain something that is not destined for you; and no one can take from you what is destined for you. This is called Allah’s decree. If you remain content with what you have, your life will be much peaceful. Never focus on other’s lives. Limit your expectations from others. Most negative feelings arise when our expectation of others’ behavior is not fulfilled as we desired.
Your social self dictates how you interact and deal with others around you. This includes your family, friends, community, strangers, and society at large. In dealing with people, do your utmost to put yourself into others’ shoes and have empathy for them. Always give benefit of doubt to others unless it is evident that they are at fault. Even then, take a lesson and be forgiving. This is the way our Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) has taught us. There are two types of people in this world, Givers and Takers. Givers are respected, honored & loved. Takers are looked down upon, humiliated & disregarded. Always strive to be a Giver. A giver of help, a giver of charity, even a smile could be charity, a giver of hope, a giver of glad tidings, a giver of support, a giver of best behavior. The more you give to others the happier you would be.
Finally, the most elevated and important dimension is your spiritual self, which goes beyond the realm of observable into a metaphysical where you recognize, feel and appreciate the presence of Divine. This appreciation helps us realize that humans have a distinct place in this world and our purpose is much beyond mere worldly gains (the first four dimensions of self) and that there is life after death when every soul will be held accountable.
Your struggle in your life will be to live your life in a way that balances these five dimensions of your self in harmony. Tilting the scale of your life too much towards any one of these dimensions will move you away from your true North. A successful life is the pursuit of excellence in all these dimensions.
Islam is the religion of moderation. Extreme views in any aspect is displeasing to Allah. To give you an example, there are lifestyles and religions in the world which encourage extremes in spirituality asking their followers to leave the worldly affairs and become a monk in remote monastery. These lifestyles forget to take care of their physical, economic, emotional and social selves, thereby creating imbalance in not just their own lives, but in society at large.
You may have noticed that these dimensions do not include any material aspects. The reason is that we are destined to get our share of material wealth by Allah. So, do not indulge in seeking excessive wealth. If you continue striving for excellence, your fair share of wealth will come your way.
Remember, it is obligatory on you to pursue knowledge. Knowledge that is beneficial in all aspects of your self – physical, economic, emotional, social and spiritual. You can only learn when you accept that you have room for improvement. Do realize that there is always room for improvement and that you can learn from anyone, even a child. So always have humility as your cloak. The moment you start thinking that you are better than others is the moment you stop learning and start sliding on the path to degeneration.
Remember, that as you have rights over others, so do others have rights over you. So, take ownership of your responsibilities. If you excel in balancing the five dimensions of self, you will surely balance your rights with your responsibilities. As mentioned above, it is incumbent upon you to gain knowledge to know your rights and responsibilities.
Pride is the work of the devil and eats your heart as fire eats wood. Never be boastful of your successes in any aspect and never show off. Always remember that you would not have been able to achieve your success without the countless blessings Allah lovingly bestowed upon you. Some of these blessings include out of millions of other sperms that could have been fertilized your unique self, your family, your cognitive abilities, your fully functioning senses, your able body, the birthplace, your ability to attain education, your sustenance, your environment, your safety, your access to knowledge and technology; the list goes ad infinitum. There is no slave in this world who did not have a king in his ancestry. And there is no king in this world who did not have a slave in his ancestry. Never be proud, always be grateful. I can see that you will soon be at the top of your field of endeavor, and the world will look up to you, Inshah Allah. Remember to be humble then.
Do not forget that even though we are free from the bondage of another human being, we are all shackled by our desires. These desires, if not kept in check, will lead you to a path that is destined for hellfire. Always check your desires and make decisions that help you stay the course towards true North balancing your physical, economic, emotional, social and spiritual self.
Always remember, the best of approval is the approval of Allah. Do not seek approval or appreciation of other mortals. Always do your actions with the intention that you are gaining appreciate of Allah. Your actions are but your intentions. As Allah has promised us, if we seek His approval, He will elevate us in the eyes of others as well. But if we seek approval of other human beings, not only will we be disgraced in this world, we will also lose our place in the Heavens.
Preserve your dignity. Dignity comes from minding your own business, the pursuit of excellence through hard work and relying only on Allah. When you rely on Allah, you do not rely on others. Reading about all the game changers who have had a profound impact on humanity teaches us that they pushed their ideas without seeking approval from others. In other words, they relied on their God gifted abilities to drive change. Through their hard work and perseverance, they were able to change the course of history. This approach also has the risk of becoming a tyrant. That’s where the five dimensions of yourself will help you be guided to true North. Be dignified and change the world.
One sure way to lose dignity is to keep complaining about your circumstances to others. In fact, complaining is considered as Kufr – rejecting the Divine decree. Complaining also exemplifies your ingratitude to your blessings from Allah. So, have sabr and shukr. Sabr means patience & perseverance in the face of adversity. Shukr means gratitude to Allah in times of prosperity as well as adversity.
There will be times in your life when you will rely upon help from others. Never forget someone who helped you and remember to pay back when possible and pay forward by helping others. It may sound paradoxical, but the more you give, the richer you become. There are more blessings in being generous than being stingy.
Your personality comprises following four elements: Intellect, Courage, Justice, and Restraint.
If you acquire knowledge and deliberate, you will increase your intellect.
If you believe and fear only Allah and no one else, you will be courageous.
If you follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), you will be Just – Just in your dealings, in your relationships, in your occupation and in every sphere of your life.
If you control your desires and overcome your ego, you’ll attain self-restraint.
As a seed cannot become a strong and healthy tree without first establishing its roots firmly underground, you cannot become a successful man without having a solid character grounded in core values and beliefs described above. As a root requires properly fertilized nourishing soil to become firmly established to support a strong and healthy tree, so does the human soul require a nurturing environment and company of righteous companions to build a strong character. So, choose your friends wisely and spend your time in the company of those who will help you improve in all the dimensions of your self – physical, economic, emotional, social and spiritual. As the saying goes, it’s better to have an intelligent enemy than an ignorant friend.
Remember, success does not come on your timeline, but on Allah’s timeline and Allah’s timeline is the best timeline. So, strive in the path of excellence.
You have succeeded if your today is better than yesterday and your tomorrow is better than your today, in all the dimensions of your self.
Consider these words as my gift to you. Your mother and I have tried our best to give you the best possible tarbia (education and training) as possible. It is now your responsibility to stay on the righteous path and continuous improvement.
I ask Allah to give you patience in matters that cannot be changed, courage in matters that can be changed and wisdom to know the difference between the two.
Your Baba,
… whose love for you is beyond the realm of spoken and written words.
Thirst of a Sieve 
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